Speak Up for What You Want

& see what happens

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Listen to the audio version instead, but don’t forget to go back and scroll through for all the captioned videos, pictures, and possible footnotes <3

This might be old news for you, but me, I’m stubborn.

I’ve heard it all: 

You can’t get what you want unless you ask for it.

Speak up if you want something.

Yada yada…

I know. I know.

I learned from an early age to cope with what was given and I, the people pleaser, never felt the need to unlearn it as an adult.

Then I committed to a four-month trip with Buddy¹ through South and Central America, and she was the opposite of a people pleaser. She was loud and bold and thought she deserved everything she wanted so she asked, every time. 

So much quality time with someone like that eventually rubs off on you, and it got drilled into me: 

Speak up for what you want and see what happens.

In Colombia

We were walking along Comuna 13 in Medellin, once notorious for cartel related violence but now famous for street art and tourists.

“We” as in me + Buddy + Coach². I met them both in Croatia the year before, and I thought it’d be a good idea to invite Coach along for me and Buddy’s South America tour for a couple weeks. I was wrong.

By one week in, things were tense between Buddy, Coach, and I.

Buddy was worried about her photo op she saw on Instagram, and she kept rushing us up the mountain to get her picture taken as soon as possible. For Buddy, pictures came first, exploring after.

For me, if I see something I like, I stop.

I disappeared into blacklight art galleries and admired the street artists and performers which left Coach to take over photographer duties. 

a glimpse of the art galleries

After Buddy got her picture on the basketball court (which she doesn't play) and in front of some flags with a view (that you can't see in the pic), she calmed down. 

We found a day party at a bar, and it seemed like the perfect place to let off some steam and have a drink. 

But the thing is, I'm not a drinker. I'm a stoner³, and I had nothing on me. 

I kept an eye out in the crowd for lit joints to ask for a few puffs like a junkie. And not really ask but more like wait around and wait for someone to offer it to me. 

But then I remembered, I need to speak up for what I want.

So later when I was chair dancing in the corner and a group of three young guys next to me lit up a J, I pulled up the nerve to ask. My Spanish was terrible but the guy with the J got the point, and he added me to the rotation. 

YES

It worked. Speaking up for what I wanted worked. 

Then the guy tried to communicate something about the J, but i couldn’t understand and it disappeared. Soon after, a fresh J appeared. What a blessing.

I remember asking if Buddy could join in and they agreed, but Buddy was somewhere in the crowd, and I wasn’t leaving rotation to chase her down. So I smoked and enjoyed myself.

Until Buddy saw me from across the dancefloor smoking. Without her. And she lost her sh*t.

Straight bitching before giving any opportunity for an explanation. She calmed down after it was her turn but damn. At least I can admit I have junkie tendencies.

Side note: This was not the last time Buddy got mad at me when I was trying to get her weed to help her have a good time. The last time was in Mexico City and that incident was the final straw to our friendship. One day I’ll be able to revisit that memory and write about it, but not yet.

For the rest of the night, I was in the rotation. Chair dancing with my bottle of water and mothering the boys next to me, making sure they wiped off the pink powder⁴ from the edges of their nose.

The music that day/night was by a female DJ crew, Cherries on Top, from Barcelona, Spain. Super cool and hot, of course. So much that Buddy was fangirling hard and got us invited to their next party in the city. I lasted about an hour before I had to leave Buddy and go back to the apartment. Coach didn’t even make it out to the club. He was done with the drama, and I don't blame him. 

But I got my high, and that was good enough for me.

Daytime Cherries on Top:

Night time Cherries on Top:

Then a few days later

Another positive reinforcement to speak up for what you want happened when we went to Bora Bora Island off the coast of Cartagena, Colombia.

Buddy’s friend back in the States suggested we go after hyping it up to be a great party time on a beautiful island.

It was not. It was more like people overpaying to take pictures on a beautiful island for social media. Not surprising considering Buddy’s ideas of fun usually involved taking pics, but me and Coach were expecting a party.

To be fair, we could've gone on the wrong day? Everyone has a different experience when they travel.

I knew it was going downhill from the moment they confiscated the hidden tequila bottle from my beach bag. 

Someone showed us to our all-white linen cabana and then we waited, wondering what else we paid for, but that was it. A beach with a cabana.

Mind you, Cartagena is on the coast and has a beach. 

As we got settled in and put on lotion to go out in the sun, men came up to us within the span of a few minutes. Harassing us to spend more money than we already had to upgrade our lunch to lobster and champagne. 

No sir, we’re not spending more money.

We didn’t pay to come to an island to deal with the same harassment we had on the free beach in Cartagena a couple days ago. 

Coach and I were annoyed, but Buddy was not having it. She marched around the beach in her sheer, shiny beach coverup and demanded to speak to a manager. 

She told the manager all the things I told you, and then we got upgraded to VIP with a beach view. 

the cabana

Remarkable.

We even got an apology. 

So we packed up and moved and the day got better as it usually does with a nice view, but nothing exciting happened. We shared a bottle of wine before lunch. Coach read a book. Buddy got her photo op moments, and I took some too because, why not? My new bikini and cover up set from Fiory deserved a Bora Bora moment.

green & blue

Side note: The whole vibe of this island was very White Lotus, and I kept wondering if I or someone was going to mysteriously die. If you want to go island hopping from Cartagena, I made a list of where I wish I would’ve gone instead. But be better than me and do further research before you agree to a travel excursion.

Then in Bolivia

I got my free drinks.

Coach had left us, and me and Buddy had one night out in Santa Cruz. Inside, we bought a drink, we danced, and then we ended up next to some guys. There was no table but one of the guys had a bucket and bottle of liquor on the floor between his feet. 

I played it cool at first. Dancing. Scoping them out to see if they were friendly. They seemed friendly enough, so I spoke up for what I wanted:

Can I have some liquor in my cup? (But in Spanish and a lot of hand gestures.)

I got a happy yes. Buddy also indulged. And then for the rest of the night I didn’t have to buy any more drinks.

“less drama, more fun”

By that point with all the positive reinforcement, it was ingrained in my stubborn little head:

Speak up for what you want and see what happens. 

Thanks for reading :) 

Is there a time you spoke up for what you want and got it? Or got something even better? Or maybe this has been your life motto and nothing new to you? Tell me about it in the comments.

Also, if you’re curious what’s being played in a nightclub in Bolivia circa winter 2023, I made a playlist of some songs I Shazammed on the dance floor:

Til next time

1. My first story with Buddy was when we got lost in the Colombian jungle.

2. The title really says it all: Let Me in Coach, I’m Ready for K.

3. or pill popper if the time is right

4. Colombia was my first exposure to pink cocaine - a party powder popular in Colombia that in my opinion, mixes incompatible hard drugs.